How It All Started and How It Led to My Worst Months

My story of who I was, and how it all came to an end, starts when I was little.

The Early Days

I was gambling from an early age, playing cards with friends using our school lunch money. Back then it felt innocent and fun, just a game between friends. Winning meant bragging rights and a free snack from the shop. Losing meant nothing serious.

At that age, I didn’t see it as gambling. It was just excitement. I would have never thought something so small could grow into what it later became.

From Cards to Sports Bets

As I grew older, my gambling habits grew with me. Those harmless card games turned into sports bets. I was still underage, but that didn’t stop me. I went to the bookmakers with older friends, and they would place bets for me.

On the days I won, it felt amazing. I’d spend the money on things I didn’t really need and that gave me quick feeling of reward. When I lost, my friends would win, and we’d still end up spending money like it didn’t matter.

It felt normal at the time. Everyone around me did it, so I never saw it as a problem. I didn’t realise how dangerous that mindset was, that I was already teaching myself that money only had value when it was being spent or risked.

This was only the beginning.

The Rise of Online Gambling

When gambling moved online, everything changed. You didn’t have to walk to a betting shop anymore, it was right there on your phone.

I started playing online poker. At first, it was exciting. I even won a few tournaments, which only made me want to play more. Soon, me and my friends started going to casinos for poker tournaments.

The problem was simple: when you drop out early, you’re left waiting for everyone else to finish. And while you wait, there’s roulette, blackjack, and slots all around you, all waiting for someone like me to sit down “just for a few spins.”

Discovering Slots

That’s how I found slots. I lost interest in poker and sports betting. All I wanted was to play slots.

At first, I’d go to the casino for a few hours and then leave. But it didn’t stay like that for long. Soon I was spending whole nights there, going almost daily. When I wasn’t in the casino, I was playing on my phone and when I wasn’t playing, I was thinking about when I could play next.

Looking back, that’s when gambling stopped being a game and became a habit. I just didn’t see it yet.

The Calm Before the Storm (2015–2019)

Between 2015 and 2019 I had my best years. I barely gambled. I’d place a small bet here and there, maybe visit a casino sometimes, but nothing like before.

I told myself I had grown out of it, that I was “past that phase.” Life felt stable. I focused on work, my relationship, and my business.

But what I didn’t realise was that the habit was still there, just sleeping. And all it needed was the right trigger to come back stronger than before.

After 2020 Everything Fell Apart

After 2020, things changed fast. I went through a divorce. It wasn’t because of gambling, I was barely gambling at that point, but it left a huge hole in my life.

I suddenly had too much free time and too many thoughts in my head. And that’s when gambling crept back in.

At first, it was “just to pass time.” Then my deposits got bigger. My bets got bolder. Before I knew it, I was betting my entire monthly salary in a single go.

I still had my full-time job and a small eBay business. The money kept coming in - enough to keep up with my habits.

Then it happened. My first big win. Enough to pay off all my debts and start over.

But I didn’t. I gambled it all away in a few days.

That was the first time I truly admitted to myself: I have a problem.

Trying to Stop

After that loss, I signed up with GAMSTOP. I thought that would be enough. I quit for a while and told myself it was behind me.

I ignored all the red flags, the urge, the thoughts, the cravings. I convinced myself I could handle it.

A few months later, I looked up ways to get around the GAMSTOP ban. And when I found one, I went straight back to gambling. It was like nothing had changed.

The Worst Months

From that point, it only went downhill. The fun was gone. The excitement was gone. Now it was just survival - chasing losses, covering debt, and lying to myself.

My eBay business started falling apart. The sales went down, but my gambling stayed the same. To keep up, I started taking out loans. Then more loans.

I had lost control completely. Every day was the same: guilt, shame, anger, and another deposit I promised would be the last.

That led to the final chapter - the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. You can read what happened next here: The Moment I Realized I Needed to Change.

Looking Back

When I look back now, I see it clearly. It didn’t start with addiction. It started with curiosity, excitement, and a few small wins. Then it grew quietly until it took over.

If you see the same signs in yourself, don’t wait for the bottom like I did. Start now. Talk to someone. Take a break. Protect yourself before it gets worse.

You can change your story — just like I did. It’s never too late to start evolving.